Life on a {ND} Rainbow

Åã Mom of ND Kids

Power

Love & a

Sound Mind

Empowering families through knowledge & love to cultivate a sound mind that can thrive and reach its full potential in a world that often overwhelms.

Being neurodiverse is like living on a different planet. Or rather, living on a rainbow, in an alternate reality.

But not the Pretty Princess Sparkle Pony Rainbow. More the Alice in Wonderland (Lewis Carroll), The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant (Stephen R. Donaldson), The Hobbit (J.R.R. Tolkien), Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children (Ransom Riggs), the Shadowlands (C.S. Lewis), or a Series of Unfortunate Events (Daniel Handler) type of reality.

It’s like when you look at the world and you only see black and white and grey. You see the pain of strangers on the street. You feel the anger of the people you meet. The words oozing from their lips are like black tar clinging to your soul and you shrink away in horror. The negativity and the pain is like a whirlpool constantly sucking you in and you desperately fight to come up for air.

But then when you finally find the inner strength to lift up your eyes, straining with a Herculian effort, you suddenly see the beauty that has been there all around you. You see the purity and innocence in the eyes of a child. You see the dancing light on the leaves of a tree. You hear the happy chirps and songs of the birds calling out to you. You hear the low rumbling of the constant, timeless waves crashing to the shore. You taste the refreshing salty air and feel it bubbling through your veins. You feel the warm, embracing light in your loved one grounding you like a weighted blanket.

You focus on the good and filter out the bad. Suddenly the vista changes like an overlay has been placed over the B&W world and joy bursts through in a dancing display of light and colours. And you are reminded that the joy of the Lord is your strength. That He rejoices over you with singing and you want to jump up and join in the dance. Even if it’s stim dancing to the beat of your own drum. And you know that you know that He is the lifter of your head. That you walk in Love, Light & Wisdom. That He is the Spirit of Wisdom and Revelation. That He is Love. He is Light. That you carry that rainbow in your heart, everywhere you go.

That you can step out of the shadows and into the light every second of every day.

And you know you were born for the bright places – awash in gentle shades and tones of rainbow hues. Where there is no cognitive dissonance. Only the peaceful perfection of harmony. Where all the colours seamlessly blend into each other to form a whole. No fragmentation, just a fluid place of togetherness and belonging.

Yes, there is also the sad and harsh reality of the disruptive rain and storms. But there’s beauty to be found in it! Because there cannot be light without darkness. There cannot be day without night. Because that’s when the Rainbow appears in all its glorious splendor! After the flood, the all consuming storm of overarousal, the overwhelm & sensory overload. To know that this too shall pass. To hold on to the bright places and to continuously and consciously immerse yourself in Love, Peace & Joy. Because we weren’t made for this world, we are all Pilgrims.

You just need to learn to embrace the Rainbow and to ride out the storms because it will pass. And to center yourself in the Light & the Beauty & the Harmony. That place of tranquility filled with love and joy, where you find perfect balance and rest and peace at last.

-Hanlie Wentzel {8.12.2020}

Stim Dancing to the Beat of My own Drum

This is just a place to make sense of our Life on a {ND} Rainbow. Like Kahlil, I am a Seeker of Silences. My hope is that the wisdom I have found in these silences may add value to your life and hopefully also add a new epic move to your own dance.

“A seeker of silences am I, and what treasure have I found in silences that I may dispense with confidence?”

– Kahlil Gibran

To the Ones that has Gone Before

All the Greats

Is it only me – or does it seem like all the Greats were neurodiverse?

Leonardo da Vinci. Vincent van Gogh. Amadeus Mozart. Albert Einstein. Isaac Newton. Nikola Tesla. Emily Dickinson. J.R.R. Tolkien. Lewis Carroll. Stephen R. Donaldson. Gene Roddenberry. Bill Gates. Anthony Hopkins. The list goes on and on. (Disclaimer: Oh yes, I added Tolkien, Donaldson and Roddenberry because…right?)

Are there still cultures today that recognize and celebrates neurodiversity? When were neurotypical people labeled “normal” and neurodiverse people labeled “abnormal”? Pardon me, I mean “diverse”. Was it that Nazi scientist, what’s his name… Hans Asperger? Or was it the dawn of the DSM1?

I know Autistic people like to live on the straight and narrow and we love to call it as it is. And apparently neurotypical people find that blunt and abrasive. I really don’t get that, I honestly just find it refreshing and insightful. Sure, you have to speak the truth in love and be kind. But can’t we just call a spade a spade? Isn’t truth an entity?

I mean, let’s be honest, isn’t the root of the issue that we are diagnosed with Autism Spectrum “Disorder”? So you are “diagnosed” by a “mental health” professional as having a “disorder” according to the DSM5. Only to be told, “Don’t worry Autism isn’t a mental illness or a mental disorder, your brain is just wired differently. You are neurodiverse, and the rest of mankind is neurotypical.” Anyone else find this a bit confusing and frankly a little condescending and even a tad offensive? I mean to be diagnosed with a disorder, then to be told it’s not a disorder, you are only diverse and not typical…like I didn’t know that already?

To clarify, that was intended to be humorous 🙂 aren’t emojis helpful? Don’t you often feel you want to soften the blow with a smiley face – since you learned from experience that neurotypicals find the truth startling and bruise easily?

On the flip side, what a wonderful relief to be “diagnosed” with a nonexistent “disorder”. Because now I have finally found my peeps, my tribe, although we don’t really like to be called that. We prefer to be authentic individuals. Having a quiet revolution all separately in our own homes.

They say no man is an island, well “they” are obviously neurotypical. Don’t all neurodiverse people feel like an island in their core being – but in a good way? A tropical island in a sea of tranquility – where your greatest source of anxiety is when the boisterous neurotypicals row over for a visit on a sea of storms?

Only now I can see all the other islands and we can build bridges and visit each other. Or even better, beam over with our transporter technology – aka social media – for a quick meeting of the minds. How utterly delightful!

-Hanlie Wentzel {8.12.2020}